Is stress so "bad"?
In the field of psychology, stress is not always the "bad" stress commonly thought of - it certainly includes anxiety and anger, but also excitement. In actuality, western psychology conceptualizes stress as existing on a continuum from "too little stress" to "too much stress," with the middle being the "sweet spot," where we get our best work done. The graph below is an example of how this continuum is usually depicted:
Stress Performance Graph from https://incolink.org.au/news/is-stress-as-bad-as-its-made-out-to-beHow does stress affect you?
As shown in the graph above, some stress is necessary for you to be active in your life. However, too much stress can lead to stress overload, and eventually burn-out. Those who frequently push themselves towards the "too much stress" end of the continuum may not even realize they are doing it, because it has become their way of life and so they do not know any different. Unfortunately, too much stress over extended periods of time does have consequences beyond the mental effects - our bodies take the hit, too. In Dr. Gabor Maté's book, "When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress," he explains in detail how chronic psychological stress leads to chronic physical illness (and even ages us!). Below is an extremely enlightening 1hr 15min lecture by Dr. Gabor Maté about this very topic:
Stress Management
So, how do we balance our stress so that we have enough to be active in our lives, but not so much that we are causing ourselves to burn out and become physically ill? Well, as Dr. Gabor Maté's book title suggests and his above lecture describes, a key element to stress management is learning to say "no" before your body says it for you. In other words: you need to learn to assert solid boundaries for yourself so that you are not taking on too many stressful tasks, because otherwise, if you agree to too much, you will burn out, your body will shut down and say "no" for you in the form of chronic illness. While taking care of others is a wonderful thing to do, Dr. Maté reminds you to take time for yourself by "being as kind to yourself as you are wanting to be to others."
Another key element to stress management focusses on the "too little stress" side of the continuum. Spending extended period of time on this side of the continuum, our comfort zones can shrink. When your comfort zone shrinks, you become more easily stressed by more things. For example, the person who spends every day playing video games for 6+ hours can develop a tendency to be easily triggered into fits of stress by every day things such as talking to relatives or doing the dishes. Such extensive leisure time, isolated from healthy levels of stress, shrinks us into ourselves. In fact, this is one way many people develop anxiety and depressive disorders. If this is your situation, expand your comfort zone one step at a time; add one stressful task to your day for a week, then another, and so on. With time, your comfort zone will expand, and doing all of those chores will be a breeze!
In summary:
- Set boundaries by saying "no" to taking on more tasks than you can healthily handle
- Show yourself kindness by taking time for yourself
- Create a wide comfort zone by maintaining a healthy level of stress